Down with Big Pumpkin

Big Pumpkin has begun its annual invasion into the summer.

I went into my local grocery store this morning, and my senses were assaulted by the aroma of cinnamon-scented pine cones and displays of Halloween candy. Never mind that it's currently 87 degrees in Philadelphia and there are 6 more weeks of summer left. Big Pumpkin doesn't care.

I don't want to smell cinnamon and pine cones in the second week of August. It's still summer, which smells like sunscreen and grass clippings surrounded by a soundtrack of cicadas.

I knew my worst fears would be confirmed when I ventured across the parking lot to investigate the liquor store. I'm not in the habit of visiting liquor stores at 10 a.m. This was research. And just as I feared, the liquor store was stocked with pumpkin beer, pumpkin ale, and anything else alcoholic you can shove pumpkin into.

My favorite summer beverage was gone. Never mind that there are still 3 weeks left in freaking August. Cans of my favorite summer ale have been replaced by Big Pumpkin's orange aura.

I'm not anti-pumpkin. I enjoy pumpkin pie. At Thanksgiving, which is in November, which is definitely not the summer. But pumpkin beer is an abomination and I will hurl flip-flops at anyone who prefers it over summer beverages.

This aggression by Big Pumpkin cannot stand, man. There should be a constitutional amendment prohibiting the sale of anything pumpkin-related until after the first frost. Fight the good fight. Say no to the gourd lobby. Summer is short enough as it is. Don't let Big Pumpkin make it any shorter.